week 11

Heading into week 10 I felt hugely rebellious to some degree I’ve never hit this part of my life before as I’m sure others have not in this way and at this point I made a final decision to move out of my place and at the same time my feelings were here my landlord had a complete meltdown because I was leaving I did everything correct I was a good tenant and everything started to snowball from here my feelings my thinking am I worthy of course I’m worthy from the other group had mention if you’re worthy I am worthy if you’re beautiful I’m beautiful if I’m intellectually happy you’re intellectually happy if I am Susie Astic Lee joyful you are enthusiastically joyful everyone is worthy and I had to remember that with what was going on so we 10 was my move decision and I seem to be out of sorts looking forward to a surprise vacation that I forgot about every week brings emotion that I have been hiding for a long time and the choice of words that I used for the sentence that I needed to put down on the index card I do not have that sentence written down with me cuz they packed it so I had to come up with another one some of the things that I wrote down were when I had my children at a younger age and we had a purple house that we were building and we drew it out we thought about it all four of us collectively had a purple house purple everything and I decided to do the upstairs where there was a spiral swimming pool slide coming from between the two bedrooms in a hallway and I was really surprised that memory came back to me when I was completing the sentence that I had to pick I’m finding that some of the things that I have hidden for so long are coming to my head now and was a lot of emotion with this I am really grateful that my dreams that I had locked away or coming up so there is a lot of emotion and confusion because sometimes I don’t understand what emotions I am feeling with everything going on so I see the results of this and I have made my excuses to relax on some things which is my old blueprint speaking to me loudly because I feel confused I’m not a person to give up but I do relax and pulled back a bit I don’t think that’s a good thing to do for me so we’ll see what happens my blog I did not keep up on with that decision I do not know if anybody else is in this boat at week 10 but I do remember this so clearly and I’m catching up on week 13 about it so I am not so far behind but I am here wanting and needing to move forward and I thank you

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