i understand what i am doing for the most part of the sessions as far as the doing goes. I know there is alot more to this course that we do not see and are ask to have faith to progress forward.
i go back over my notes to make sure that i understood what i may have missed and make a check list, i started doing this in week 5. My mind and my emotions were scrambling it seems for … well it seems, for assurance that i was getting at least the activity, and with that resistence and letting go turbulance inside me, i was thinking of what is going on here for me. listen is this normal, wow this is alot. i realized i normally hang back let the uncomfortable feeling pass and know full well life just past me by while waiting to calm down, instead of taking action . Life served me with what i gave it.
now that i am banging down some of the cinderblocks i can feel this its a whole new awareness , as i am writing this i am tearing up , .because i have a voice to talk it out on marco polo, alliance, all the set up titles in alliance i can trust myself more and when i trust myself more i trust further outside myself
here is what i see, there is a storm of feelings tearing up with emotion, what seems to feel like is a little confusion for the cause that i am progressing rather then regressing, l set up alot of things in front of me so that i do not have to deal with myself worry depression self pity anger procrastination over eating is part of it, now that its all about me its like something surfaces and i feel it then i am talking about it. what a gift.
i am sure that these feelings have been there all the time , i am feeling a percent higher long term than a percent short term for the change in myself , i am grateful right now so when mark asks us /me /everyone to have faith , stick it out, dont give up, keep going, get geared for participation and de-procrastination moments cause you are I am super duper i still say yes i will no matter what i have to do to get my life going. i am important, i want to live, i have been screaming along time for change, i am so aware at this moment of truth…as a side note: what comes out of my mind is this silly quip: \ all i can say at this moment is if i was in the desert i would be looking for the marage, and the rainbow on a unicorn. hahahah